Come back to me..

You finally got what you wanted dost.

You wanted me to be strong. You warned me that the world is not such a nice place. You told me I was too innocent. You told me I was too sensitive. But I never felt the need to change. You were there. You were supposed to be there always. I thought I had you. People like you, still made the world a nice place for people like me. I felt special with you, even though the most vulnerable. Because you were there with me; you held my hand every time the world made it difficult for me. Why did you go? Why did you leave me? Is it because you wanted me to walk alone? Did my vulnerability worry you? Is that why you went away?

If that is your reason, then here I am now. Cold. Insensitive. As mean as ever.

I don't give a damn about anything. I don't care about things I loved most. Hatred has taken the place of love. Distrust has destroyed all faith. Negative thoughts have killed all hope.

Being alone does not hurt anymore. Malice has grown inside. There is an unkindness that reflects in everything I do, or say. That feeling of sacrifice; that sense of understanding; that idea of being nice; all seem filthy old ways of giving yourself up. I am no more what I used to be.

I am what you wanted me to be. Now come back to me?

What if..

Sometimes in life, once somebody's gone, you realize how much they meant to you. But there are times when you know how much they mean to you, still cannot help but let go of them. Sometimes its for good, sometimes its just not meant to be. Other times, God wants you to believe he has more. Much more. But what if that loss means the end? Something that is irreplaceable, something incomparable to anything else, something that is never coming back; how can God have something "better" than that?

The instant response to loss, is sad, gloomy, and dark. There are things you want to erase, things you wish never change, things you believe should have happened, things you think could have happened. There always are the trailing "What if"s and "I wish" giving everyone's story an incompleteness. Behind that wholesome, happy smile there is something missing; something not right, for people wish they had taken that chance, once.

And if someone needs it too desperately, they look for hope, courage, and the strength to fight for it. Attempts, failed attempts, dampen the spirit with which you began your search. Not always you can do it alone. Not always do you have to, if you have someone you can count on. All this while, you need someone beside you. A friend. Perhaps.

I wish I had let them in. They needed that friend, that support, that love. They needed that chance. I could have given them that chance. I could have been that friend. That's exactly what I had promised long ago. I did not keep it, for I didn't know that they needed that second chance too desperately. So desperately, that one day, they would give up fighting for it..

I wish I could do something now. I feel helpless, broke, disappointed with myself. I refused to be the one friend they needed, and now, they're gone. Far, far away. What if I had been there? What if I had kept my promise? What if I could save them? What if I could make all the difference? What if I were in their place?

Sure the what ifs will haunt me for life.